Another Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time lived a girl called Red Riding Hood for her choice of clothing. One day, her grandmother fell sick with fever in her home in the woods. Compassionate and dutiful, Red packed a basket of food and medicine and went to aid her grandmother.

A vicious and cunning wolf watched her in the woods. Feigning concern, he learned the circumstances of her travel and her destination. Knowing the woods well, he took a shorter path. He was so hungry that when he arrived, he swallowed Grandmother whole. Still hungry, he donned her nightclothes and climbed into her bed.

When Little Red Riding Hood arrived, the wolf greeted her in his best Grandmother imitation. “Come closer.”

“My, what big ears you have,” said Red Riding Hood.

“Yes, I, um.” The wolf felt a moment of dizziness. “The better to hear you with, my dear. Come closer.”

“My, what big eyes you have,” said Red Riding Hood.

“The better to, um. Oh, God, she’s vomiting inside me.” The wolf retched and vomited up Grandmother, who staggered to her bed. Weak with food poisoning, the wolf fled.

“That’ll teach you to eat sick old ladies!” Riding Hood called after him.

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